Fitness Fiends like their abs and we like them apparent.
Visible.
Fiendish!
What is it about fiendish abs?
We want 4 or 6 or 8 or 12, and we want them neatly packed like organic eggs in brown recyclable cartons.
Why do we covet fiendish abs so keenly? We speculate about the matter at night, in bed, as our resting musculature defines itself.
Are “visible abs” a Darwinian sexual marker, the outward sign of exceptional virility, we ask? Hmm…
Could a belly that bulges over a belt gesture toward sexual timidity, the genetically weak human organism’s attempt to conceal its own reproductive organs, thereby removing itself as a survivor? Does a prominent gut advertise a late-primate’s unwillingness to share nutritional bounty, a hoarder of grub?
Perhaps.
We roll over, thinking about another plausible avenue: Aesthetics.
Perhaps, we muse, fiendish abs appeal to our innate sense of the Beautiful, which the German philosopher Immanuel Kant claimed indicates our transcendent attunement with Form.
Fitness Fiends do like Form.
Symmetry.
Clean lines.
Rows, columns, order. Abs like a computer-generated workout chart.
We are repulsed by the Formless. The vague fleshy blob makes us blubber.
How do we make our abs fiendish?
Fitness Fiends take a twin-edged approach when it comes to chiseling out our “six-packs.”
Fiendish Hearts: We activate ourselves cardiovascularly. We force our fit black hearts to pump overtime. Breathing hard, we throw our fat onto the fire and, huddled together, watch it dissolve in the night. Our abs begin to assert themselves, emerge into the world like teeth, hardened, annealed. Kant, we note, took a walk daily, without fail. Here are some websites Fitness Fiends have consulted:
2. Fiendish to the Core: We apply tension to our midsections, ruthlessly—abs, obliques, hip flexors—two or three times a week. at least a day of rest between 15 minute sessions. We work them and work them from every angle imaginable. More instructive websites:
Body fat hides the contours of musculature. What’s the magic number that releases abdominal muscles from the bonds of invisibility?
10 percent.
We measure our progress with these instruments of torture: http://www.accumeasurefitness.com/
Diabolically yours,
FF
